March 22, 2017 at 2:15 am #29553
Our second boy is now 19 months and we are at th end of our tether!!! He has a great routine at night (bath at 6 with his brother, changed into sleeping bag, say night night to everyone, story, lights out and put into cot for 6:30-40) and generally drifts off to sleep himself no problem, in fact when you put him down you know he is ready because he rolls over and curls up ready for sleep. We had a slight regression a month ago when he didn’t want to go to sleep and can at the moment need distracting to put his nighttime book away, but I think that’s just the 18month thing they go through.
The real problem is staying asleep!
Tonight he woke at 9pm, I settled him no problem, then he woke at 9:50 so just in case it was teething I gave him calpol and a teething sachet, both times he settled back quickly…..all I do is pick him up till he stops crying, shhhh him and put him down immediately and leave. 11:30 and awake again, this time sat up (before then he is screaming lying down), same thing….quick pick up, shhh and put down and leave. 11:50 and awake again, screaming, again pick up, this time a quick sip of water and put down…..by now he is resisting the put down but I talk to him and shhh more. 12:30, crying again…..repeat as before but now he kicks off as you try to leave the room. 1am and he is awake again, my wife goes in and tries to calm him……cue 30 mins of screaming, and I mean screaming…..even the midwife was taken aback by the screech this child can get to, it hurts your ears up close and I’m not kidding!!! All we do is talk calmly, shhh to him, say “it’s alright” and “night night” etc. I’m writing this now at 2am, god knows how the rest of the night will go but basically he has cried himself to sleep with my wife there to help comfort him (just sat by the door, not picking him up, not feeding)
Basically this is a typical night…… he will now wake up anytime for the day from 5am to 6am, I go in if it’s before 6 because he needs to wait for that time for his morning breastfeed. I have ended up sleeping in his room because of this continual waking and needing a little “shhh” or word of comfort to settle to stop it escalating. 15 times getting up to do this is my/his record! If we leave him and don’t go in or let him settle then he escalates to an uncontrolled scream fest….
We have tried all sorts……please help!!March 22, 2017 at 2:26 am #29554
I would add a couple of notes…
He naps well, for 2.5hrs+ a day at lunchtime
He has slept through about 10x in his life
He has a dummy, we tried taking it away at 5 months but he has a phase of constant ear infections and colds from 4-8 months old that we found he needed it to help
He is breastfed still, morning at 6am and before bathMarch 24, 2017 at 9:11 am #29557
Hi there sorry for the delay in reply. The main problem is the dummy it really needs to go as that will be having a massive effect on sleep
Are you familiar with timed comforting? I would suggest using this method and I know it’s hard with other children but I would not sleep in his room as this will be something he becomes reliant on
Sent from my SM-G920F using TapatalkMarch 30, 2017 at 2:26 am #29593
Thanks! We plan to take the dummy away, we tried at 5 months as we did this with his brother but he had had such a horrendous time with ear infections and teething at the time (5-6 ear infections one after the other), but we think now we need to wait until he is a little older. Could try it now but we are not sure its at the core to the problem, something else seems to be going on
If by timed comforting do you mean leaving it longer and longer between going in to comfort them? We started this 5 nights ago and somehow it immediately seemed to have an impact, 1 night of it and after 3 comforts he went back to sleep, the following couple of nights he woke but settled himself back, last night though he stirred a few times but by 3:30 he constantly stirred until 4:30, he just kept waking and not settling back, we refrained from going in as it was a short murmor each time he woke but he still took over an hour to settle himself.
Now tonight he has been up from 11 through to now at 3:20 constantly. At 2:15 we needed to go in and again at 2:20, then 2:30 then 2:45, then 3:00 and each time we left it longer he escalated to more and more screaming
Its like the method we found to work has regressed and were back to square 1March 30, 2017 at 9:27 am #29594
The dummy will definetly be causing a lot of sleeping issues. My son had one until 12 months and I thought it was fine as he could find it himself but I was wrong the dummy was the actual cause of all the issues with sleep he was having
That’s what I mean with self settling you leave it to set intervals at his age I would do 5,5,10,15 ect you go in if he’s crying and say it’s time to sleep very firmly mummy and daddy will see you in the morning
You did the right thing not going in if he was only mummering.
It can take a few days to see the effect but so worth it for the end result.
Sent from my SM-G920F using TapatalkApril 12, 2017 at 6:19 pm #29629
I had logged into to raise exactly the same issue as yourselves! Our second has never slept(23 months!) and over the last four weeks his sleeping pattern has significantly deteriorated and is awake anytime from 1am and stays awake until 6am!! He also has a dummy. Did you see an improvement in his sleep pattern? I am so hopeful that this could be a possible solution, not sure we can function for much longer on such little sleep!
Anne-MarieApril 12, 2017 at 6:45 pm #29630
Well we took the dummy away and it was not as bad as we thought, the first night he kept stirring from 2am to 3:30am but we decided to not go into him for up to 10mins and he managed to settle himself each time. On the second night he stirred once at 3am and then on the third night he slept through completely! He is now generally sleeping through with the odd waking but we havent been in more than once a night, he can wake early (5am) but we make him wait till 6 and then get him up (he goes to bed at 6:30pm)
We have a bunny with velcro hands that used to hold a couple of dummies, we kept the bunny and he seems to have taken to cuddling that. The first night we took the dummy away we gave it to him with no dummies on he spun it around looking for them, but amazingly he didnt grumble too much and turned over and went to sleep, he soon screamed out after a few minutes but it only lasted 5 mins, there was another moan around 20 mins later but again he settled after a minute or so.
I think the trick was that we cut the dummies up and showed them to him, it was “oh look what happened, the dummies have broken….do you want to put them in the bin” he was the one that threw them away and kind of accepted they were gone.
Were not out of the woods yet but its certainly helped, we just need to deal with the stroppyness in the daytime now!!April 12, 2017 at 7:00 pm #29631
Thank you so much for your speedy response. Such a huge relief to hear it did have a positive impact, feels like there is a glimmer of hope! Will definitely be taking on board your advice re: cutting up the dummies- first thing tomorrow morning!
Hope things continue to improve for you and the next hurdle goes ok.
Thanks again, we really appreciate it.
Anne-MarieApril 16, 2017 at 12:30 am #29632
How are you getting on Anne-Marie?
We are now into night 3 of scream fest again, he was up from 10:30 to 2:30 last night screaming his head off, only ever for 10 minutes once though so we only settled him that one time….it would be a cry for 3-5 mins then he would settle, then 2 mins later he starts again…..for FOUR HOURS
So far tonight he has been screaming for 90 mins (12-1:30) and it’s showing no signs of stopping.
He’s also walking round during the day whinging and moaning at every opportunity
Adoption seems a nice idea right now!April 16, 2017 at 6:12 am #29633
I really do feel your pain. It gets to the stage where you think if you just slept we could all have a nice time during the day! Last Tuesday morning after a horrendous night if some one has offered my husband a one way ticket to the North Pole he would have taken them up on the offer just for some sleep!
Removing the dummy went better than we expected, he was a little sad it was broken but put it in the bin. The first night we had to do the 5/10/10 but has settled better the following two nights. However he He still wakes at 10pm and 11pm but will settle after a cuddle and some milk. He will wake again at 4am, which is an improvement to 1/2 and 3. I left the room rather than sleeping with him. Initially he was reluctant to let me leave and had to do 5/10/10 and he settled but I was awake till 6am expecting him to wake up again! Last night wasn’t a goodnight with him awake from 4am till 6am however it appears chicken pox has arrived!! (Great timing!!) So I will give him the benefit of the doubt for last night and hope it doesn’t cause any extra problems with his sleep or the first two nights were because he was unwell!!
We have had a break through in the fact he is now napping in the house for 45 mins during the day as we had got to the stage where we were driving him around for an hour as we could guarantee he would nap and could get a strong drive thru coffee!! Again hoping this wasn’t just because he was feeling unwell with chicken pox!
Hopefully with the process started we will all get a good night sleep really soon!April 20, 2017 at 8:12 am #29634
I have almost exactly the same issue. Our second child is 19 months and has probably slept through 20 times in her life. She shares a room with her 4 year old sister who miraculously never wakes when she does. She doesn’t have a dummy, but is getting used to having milk in the middle of the night at least once. She has also decided that going to bed is for losers. She has serious FOMO. We bath the two girls together then they get stories and the 19month goes to bed, while the 4 year old has another story and waits for the little one to sleep- this is now taking almost 30 mins.
We cut down her lunch naps to 1 hour, which helps a little, but hasn’t fixed the problem.
Our typical night involves bed at 7 (sleep by 730), she wakes at 9/10 and sometimes goes back easily with a rub on the back. Then she wakes at about 230/3/4 where we tend to leave her for 5/10 minutes to see if she is just stirring or if it turns into a full scale scream-fest. By then she could be up for an hour and have a bottle in bed.
We are at the end of our tether, so any advice would be really welcome
ThanksApril 20, 2017 at 8:22 am #29635
I would guess, (absolutely no expert!!!) that she is relying on the bottle to fall back to sleep, Im guessing its after 3-4 wakings that you feed her? apparently we all develop an ability to drift back to sleep once we awake from a deep sleep phase, babies need to learn how to do this and they start to associate/use things like dummies and milk to do this. Sounds like she might be waking up from a deep sleep phase and then needs the bottle to get back to sleep again properly. If you have tried everything else then perhaps the feed needs to go? it will be hard and you will probably have a week or so of hell but in the long run it will probably pay off. She will need you to be consistent and then she will develop the ability to go back to sleep…..going in only after 10 mins of crying, making sure you say the same thing nice and calmly, making sure the room is dark as possible (even some white noise in the background?) are all the things we had to do.
Ours is still waking up, but it is a bit better than it was and he doesnt want the dummy any more, he has developed a knack of waking at 5am in the last 2-3 days but we just dont go in until 6, I even went in this morning at 5:45 to tell him its not time to get up and he went mental, pointing to the changing table and everything, BUT after 3-4 mins of screaming he gave up and settled back down till 6:10….a little victory I think!April 20, 2017 at 8:29 am #29636
Hey . Mark,
Thanks for the quick reply. Yes, she is totally using the milk to get back to sleep. My eldest sucks her thumb so we never had a problem with self soothing.
I think we will just have to try that, and perhaps set up a bed in our room for the eldest as we don’t want to disrupt her sleep too. You are right, we need to dedicate some real effort to this. We have been muddling through for the last 19 months.
That’s great that yours is doing so much better. It gives me hope. I felt like we have developed bad habits that were never going to be broken. Does he not wake his sibling?April 20, 2017 at 9:45 am #29637
good luck, hope it works!
He doesnt wake his sibling often, occasionally he does but we have no idea how the eldest stays asleep through all the screaming! (and he has one hell of a scream, even the midwives were shocked!)
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