Where it all began
Last year I was asked to comment on a piece that the lovely Eleanor Tucker was writing on whether a mother should top up with formula at any point and if it could increase the time that a mother was able to breastfeed for if advised to do it correctly, as a recent study had suggested. This is the article on Parentdish.
There were a couple of comments made on the article at the time that I responded too and one comment also made on the link to it here on my website, so I just wanted to write a response to it and reassure any mothers who may be feeling the negativity of similar comments with their own breastfeeding experience.
Here was the comment made on my website:
“It’s a shame you feel you are able to give advice about infant feeding, something that has long term health consequences, without appearing to have any relevant qualifications or, indeed, even an iota of knowledge or skill in this area. Are you an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant or Breastfeeding Counsellor? If not, I plead with you, leave it to those of us who would never be egotistical enough to dub ourselves ‘experts’. Mothers deserve evidence-based support, counselling and the space to make as fully informed choices as possible, not ignorant advice from someone who clearly has no understanding of infant physiology or the science of lactation. Yet another nanny cashing in on vulnerable mothers.” – Maddie Mcmahon - 2013/10/02
This is my response to it!
Thank you for your comment. While I welcome all feedback both good and negative, I feel that your comment is rather critical to the mothers that have no choice but to offer a formula top up as a means to continue Breastfeeding!!
I have done lots of research into Breastfeeding, successfully breastfed my own 3 babies for 6months each and worked with HUNDREDS of mothers-95% who choose to breastfeed!
Because of the advice I have given they have all been able to successfully breastfeed their babies for much longer than they would have otherwise managed.
If you know so much about Breastfeeding then you should know that some mothers simply do not produce enough milk to solely breastfeed their baby long term.
One of my closest friends was pushed by midwives, her health visitor and breastfeeding support group to feed, feed, feed to increase her supply and solely bf her baby. She did exactly this for almost 2 weeks-barely moved off the sofa, offered no formula top ups at all and had a baby who cried day and night no matter how much she tried to feed him. His weight went from 10lbs 4 to 9lbs 1 in 2 weeks before the health professionals finally agreed that formula top ups were needed. He was immediately a much more settled baby-unfortunately she just didn't have the milk supply there to satisfy him and the constant feeding was exhausting her and making her resent all the time she spent trying to fill him up-making Breastfeeding a very stressful experience rather than the joyful one it should be!!
It is not practical for a mother to sit feeding their baby all day and night to increase supply-and even if they do, like the case above and many others I have encountered, it doesn't always work!
I do not advise formula top ups lightly. We try lots of other things to increase milk supply first but if a top up is needed it is always offered AFTER a FULL breastfeed so therefore has no effect on milk supply at all!
By using my advice mothers are able to continue Breastfeeding their baby for a longer period even if it means a couple of formula top ups are needed for a minority. If baby is happy then mum is happy and that is the ultimate aim for everyone regardless of how a baby is fed-whether it be breast milk or formula.
I would love to know what all you mummies think about the great debate! Let me know what you think on the forum.
Remember to like and share if you enjoyed this post or found it helpful.
Wow – you have missed the point spectacularly! You claim that Maddie’s comment is “rather critical to the mothers…” when in fact the only person she criticises is YOU, and apparently with good reason! You readily admit that you failed to follow WHO guidance on breastfeeding with your own children, you have no relevant qualifications in lactation, and yet, based on a couple of anecdotes, you feel you are an ‘expert’ who can advise other mothers. Personally, I’ve already breastfed for over twice as long as you have – and I only have one child!! I also offer support and encouragement to other mums, but I would never be arrogant enough to call myself an expert, and I would always direct struggling mums towards support with the backing of rigorous training and education – such as a LLL leader or an IBCLC. As Maddie says in her comment, “Mothers deserve evidence-based support…” and that is precisely what you are denying them, when you continue to peddle feel-good nonsense backed up with nothing more than the ‘evidence’ of a few women you happen to know, and your frankly ludicrous assertion that it’s possible to give formula top ups which “have no effect on milk supply”. It’s only because most women are very ignorant about how breastfeeding works – and I put myself and YOU into this category too – that you can get away with passing yourself off as an ‘expert’ at all. You owe Maddie, and probably many of the women you have ‘helped’ a sincere apology.
Thanks for your comment Helen! I am a ‘baby expert’ having worked with and cared for hundreds of them over the last 18 years. An ‘expert’ is a person who has special skill or knowledge in a particular area-so i think its fair to say i am ‘allowed’ to call myself a baby expert.
I have never called myself a Breastfeeding expert, but have a huge amount of experience and have advised mums and helped them continue Breastfeeding for longer than they ever thought possible despite taking advise from some qualified lactation consultants. I ALWAYS advise mums to seek help from a LLL leader or an IBCLC if she hasn’t already and I am unable to point her in the right direction.
My choice was to stop Breastfeeding my babies at 6 months as that was what was right for us based on our circumstances. Well done to you for already feeding for longer than me. Why does that make you any better can I ask? Breastfeeding is a choice we as mums make as to whether we do it and for how long, based on many different factors-some of them completely out of our control no matter what professional advice we seek!
Any amount of time a baby has on the breast is good for however long a mother chooses to breast feed for and the HUNDREDS of women I have advised and worked with would support that and agree that my advice has only ever helped them continue to breastfeed for longer, rather than hinder it.
All I can say is thank God there are baby experts out there who, like Lisa, are very knowledgable and supportive of breastfeeding, but don’t JUDGE those of us who, for very personal reasons, choose not to continue breastfeeding.
I had 7 cycles of IVF to have my son, and by the time he was born my body was totally exhausted from years of IVF. I breastfed him for nearly two months and I am proud of myself for doing that after all I had been through. He is now 5 months old and he is healthy, happy and thriving. There’s a hell of a lot more to being a mother than whether you breastfeed or not.
WOW!!! First of all I want to say well done to every mummy out there, I honestly believe that what is best for a baby is what makes it happy and healthy. So well done mummies for doing the best for your babies no matter how you feed them.
Secondly I want to say how great full I am of Lisa. I breast fed my son until he was 7&1/2 month, when he all but weaned himself off the breast. From the early days of being pregnant I was adamant that I would breast feed. I foolishly had rose tinted glasses about the glamorous life of a breast feeding mummy. The first few day I loved. It was heaven, I couldn’t have been happier. My boy put on 10oz in 7 days. I was so proud of my self and him.
In the first 2 weeks I had 3 visits from my local council led breast feeding support team. I was told every time to demand feed. To feed him every time he routes. Well. After 2-3 weeks of me being up 24 hours a day feeding my boy for a maximum of 5minutes then him sleeping for 15 and feeding for 5 again, I was exhausted. The tipping point came when my OH woke me, fast asleep in my nursing chair with my boy asleep, breast in mouth. I was horrified. I am a girl with naturally extremely large boobies, so the idea I could have smothered my son petrified me.
I reached out to twitter, and some how I found Lisa.
This woman saved me and she helped My son so much. I had an over load of milk supply, she gave me gentle advice how to manage it. I sent her a days breast feeding log and she gave me some simple ways that could help. She never forced anything on me, she basically gave me her pearls of wisdom for me to use as I saw fit.
In as little as 8 hours following Lisa’s advice my son had managed to feed for 10 whole minutes, and then slept for 45. After a week he could feed anything from 10 to 30 minutes. At 11 weeks old he started to feed so well at bed time that he dropped his night feed and has slept for 12 hours a night since (apart from when he’s had a cold)
When he was about 4/5 months old I took him to the local council led baby centre to have him weighed. He had lost 9oz. Now you don’t need any qualifications to know that when a baby or anybody for that matter becomes more active they will burn more energy. Well I was hounded by the women “professionals” at the centre. I was made to go through my daily routine feed by feed, they told me a lot of things, most of which I as my sons mother was not happy with, I left in floods of tears, feeling like a terrible mother who was starving her son ( who I may add was on the 91stCt)
I turned to the only person I knew who could help me. Lisa!
I am blessed to have found her, I so lucky. And I truly feel sorrow for those mothers who only have the support of those women who “supported” me. Please don’t miss understand me, there are lots and lots of fantastic people at these centres providing amazing service and help to mothers, but my experience with my local team left me scared bewildered and helpless.
I currently trying for baby number 2. God willing When the day arrives and we have our second child, the only expert I will be reaching to is Lisa.
On the subject of what topping up with formula, I have no experience, how ever when baby number 2 arrives he/she will be breast fed purely for 3 weeks. I will then be introducing a bottle of breast milk, and at about 3 months I will be combine feeding.
We are lucky today that Science has been able to provide us with a product that gives our children all the nutrients they need to grow, and develop. How ever you feed your baby, wether it be by choice or situation you are doing an amazing thing. Well done.
Berni x
It’s unbelievably ignorant for someone to suggest that everyone can be grouped together to receive ONE piece of advice regarding breast feeding. Which, with certain people, would simply be, just do it and don’t stop. What Lisa does is individualises everyone that she helps. She doesn’t suggest one thing for everyone. She speaks to each person on a one to one basis and learns about their individual problems and needs. Then she provides ADVICE, tailored to that individual. She doesn’t TELL people what is right and wrong. Everyone knows that breast milk is the best nutrition for your baby. But that fact does not instantly empower women to magic up supplies of breast milk when it’s just not there. It does not bring women out of postnatal depression so they can nurse their child alone day and night when they are desperate for help. It does not help mums who’s babies were born prematurely to speed up their lactation and increase supply for their increasing demand. These mums feel bad enough as it is when they can’t provide what they know to be best, for their baby.
For someone to actually compare herself to another mum and suggest that she is already a better mum since she “breast fed twice as long as her” is actually disgusting in my opinion. Let’s all compare with each other how much love and hugs we give our children every day to see who loves their child more! That’s the mentality of these certain individuals. I have, and never will, let anyone make me feel bad for decisions I have made regarding my child. And when I reach out to someone for help I’m glad to say it’s someone like Lisa. Other arrogant individuals would get the door shut in their face.
Personally I am sick of being made to feel like a failure & a bad mother for bottle feeding my baby. I had a traumatic birth, a crash c section under a general anesthetic. My baby was then taken to SCBU. I wanted more than anything in the world to breastfeed my baby, and so for weeks I tried to express (with the help of numerous midwives & breast buddies) but I had NO milk. NO colostrum, no nothing. I have cried about this every day since the birth of my baby and hate the fact that society, NCT etc all made me feel like every time I gave my baby her bottle, I was giving her poison. In fact, I was and am doing what I have to to keep her alive. I hate that I have to spend £100 a month on formula, I hate that it’s never on offer as supermarkets are not allowed to ‘promote’ it. I can’t even collect nectar points on it for heavens sake!!!! What I hate more than anything however is the attitude that everyone is able to breastfeed, if you don’t you just didn’t try hard enough. I think I am living proof that that is absolute rubbish. Please can we stop this ridiculous pressure on mothers to breastfeed and realise that babies can thrive on formula.
It’s awful! Never let society or any individual make you feel bad! You love and take care of your child. FULL STOP! You might not do it the way that some people (who are arrogant enough to believe their way is the only way) do it! But you do just as good a job! If not better. You do whatever I takes regardless of how it makes you feel. Others do whatever it takes to make them fit in and look good to society! There’s are hundreds of thousands of people of there who are starving their children. They abuse their children. They grow up never knowing love or security or contentment. These people are the the people society should be condemning! Instead they are given the benefit of the doubt hundreds of times over and families who give their babies FORMULA milk, who feed and care for their babies in every way possible, are condemned. It makes me LAUGH at society to today. As I said, no one will make me feel bad for my decisions. I see love and contentment in my sons eyes when he looks at me. That will last a lifetime! Long after the milk is gone!
“Women are ignorant about how breastfeeding works” what a disgusting comment to make !! Am I ignorant because and I didn’t know (and no one thought to tell me) that a pph can massively affect milk supply ?! I lost 2.5 litres of blood after having my daughter, I wasn’t even present when the decision was made to give my daughter a bottle for her 1st feed. Then I was stopped from bf due to 2 transfusions. When I told HV I had no milk supply I was told to have a hot bath and squeeze breasts and they would “let down”….nothing !! I then spent a fortune on a breast pump…nothing !! No one helped me I had no idea why I NO milk, I never even needed to use a breast pad !! I was only later when I spoke to someone from the birth trauma association was I told how much pph can affect your milk supply, and that I should have had 1 on 1 help !! Please think twice before calling people ignorant !!!