Children are welcome

All the world's my softplay,
And I'm sure that you'll agree,
That the most dangerous thing for Doofy,
Is, well... I guess it's me.

The Doofy

So here's ten things you need to check,
To keep things toddler-proof,
Thank BBE for the guest post,
And heed the words of Doof :

- Check sockets have those inserts in,
And the switch is not turned on,
Or I'll stick my tongue into the holes,
As soon as you are gone.

- See your wallet isn't near my hands,
And the stapler's in the drawer,
Or I'll stick a twenty down my pants,
And fasten Ewan to the floor.

The Doofy

- Ensure your mobile phone has keylock on,
In fact you'd better keep it near ya,
Cos I never dial locally,
It's always to Nigeria.

- Keep keys and ball points off the floor,
To stop scratches, stains and leaks,
I'm really great at hiding things,
And they won't be seen for weeks.

- Hide ANYTHING that's edible,
It needn't taste that great,
So sudacrem goes down my throat,
But veg stays on my plate.

- Tape down the fish tank lid each day,
Cos I like to make stuff splish,
Remotes and coins and other stuff,
Make great toys for the fish.

- That the DVD rack is well secured,
And tight against the wall,
Cos shelves look just like steps to me,
And there's a decent chance I'll fall :(.

- That doors stay shut, not just pushed too,
Or I'll be swinging from the handle,
My legs don't quite reach to the floor,
And it's perilous to dangle.

- Check heavy pots are out of reach,
And the glasses are secure,
Cos there's nowt as fun as bashing them,
Against the kitchen floor.

- Keep inkpads out of line of sight,
Cos I find it quite frustrating,
When I'm not allowed to play with them,
When your room needs decorating.

I hope this help you see things,
From your toddler's point-of-view,
And it keeps you out of A&E,
With a child that's good as new.

The Doofy

By Andy at


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